Apology
by VeritableSpectre
Summary: Gai has loved Kakashi for as long as he can remember, but now Kakashi is injured because of his carelessness. What will happen when Gai visits him to apologize? Pairing: Gai/Kakashi


**A/N: Just so you know, the main pairing in this story is Kakashi/Gai, and Gaara/Lee is also mentioned. Also, this takes place right after the "Rescue Gaara" arc, and the reason Kakashi is injured is a combination of overusing the Sharingan and the fact that Gai carried him quite roughly back to the village (I don't believe I stated that directly in the story itself, and it could make it slightly confusing to read if you were unaware of the reasons Kakashi is injured). **

**I am also aware that the timeline is off, but I actually wrote this before I had watched far enough into the series to really know what the exact timeline was. And by the time I figured it out, I thought the changes wouldn't fit the overall story as well, so I just left it as is. Regardless of that though, I hope you enjoy the story! And I would greatly appreciate it if you dropped me a review if you have any suggestions on how I could improve my writing, or even if you just liked the story. :)**

"Kakashi?" Gai called out to the silent house. No response. _He must be sleeping. He _did _just get out of the hospital, after all …_

Gai traipsed up the stairs, at a considerably slower pace than his youthful self normally preferred. It was nearly killing him to walk so darned slow all the time, but he felt the punishment was necessary. After all, it was his fault completely that Kakashi had been out of commission for such a prolonged amount of time. Really, Kakashi overusing his Sharingan shouldn't have put him in the hospital for more than two weeks at the very most, yet he had been there for nearly a month. Finally, Tsunade-sama had allowed him to leave three days before the month had completed, but had also instructed him that he was to do nothing but rest at home in bed for one more week before allowing himself to go out and about. It would be weeks before she would feel comfortable with giving him anything above a C-level mission.

Gai knocked with kitten fingers on the door to what he knew was Kakashi's bedroom. If his eternal rival was using this time to sleep, Gai didn't want to interrupt the fragile recovery process. He knew how important rest and relaxation after a substantial injury was, thanks to that scare when Lee fought Gaara years ago in the Chuunin exams. Gai still had nightmares about that one, even though Lee had forgiven Gaara long ago, and they had even become good friends. Gai even suspected that the two may be _more_ than friends, but he didn't dare ask Lee. If he were wrong, the embarrassment for all parties involved would be too great. And he didn't want to risk Gaara losing his cool and attacking Lee because of the stupidity of his Sensei.

But enough about Lee and his possible love. What was important at that moment was Kakashi and nothing else. Speaking of Kakashi, noise of any kind had yet to exit the room where Gai believed him to be residing, so Gai took a chance and eased the door open. The hinges protested with a rat-like squeak, which caused the prone, sleeping Kakashi on the bed inside to jump slightly and mumble.

_He's really out of it,_ Gai thought sadly to himself. He knew that under normal circumstances, Kakashi would've been up and in an attacking stance the moment the bedroom door opened, if he hadn't already been just from hearing someone in his house. _This is all my fault. _

Gai had come to apologize, of course. Yes, the Sharingan was the main injury, but if Gai had only been a little less rough carrying him back to the village … a little less selfish … Would Kakashi have been able to take on missions already? The guilt was killing Gai. What if Kakashi never recovered? It would be all because of Gai and his stupid obsession with training! Which was exactly why now, Gai had forbidden himself to train until he was sure Kakashi would be alright.

He knew Lee would've been disappointed in him. Luckily, Lee was still in Suna. He would be staying with Gaara until the end of the year as his personal bodyguard, though his official title was "Ambassador to Konoha." Lee had begged and pleaded with Tsunade-sama from the moment he stepped foot back in Konoha to be allowed to leave again. He was so worried for Gaara. He was paranoid that at any moment, a member of Akatsuki could return to retake the life that they had almost gotten for good. Last Gai had heard, Lee had arrived in Suna and Gaara had offered him a room in his own house to use. Lee had sounded overjoyed in his last letter, and had mentioned something about Gaara preferring to sleep in Lee's room because he simply felt safer that way. Gai had a feeling it was something other than that, but again, didn't feel it was his place to make false assumptions.

As Gai's mind continued to whirl on this tangent, he subconsciously took in the state of his rival. He was laying, sleeping, on his bed. He had removed his mask, probably thinking that no one would try to get in his bedroom without explicit permission. Too bad he hadn't entered Maito Gai into the equation.

It appeared as if his blanket had, at one point, been acting as a substitute mask, but it had obviously slipped off during Kakashi's deep slumber. Gai, respecting Kakashi's privacy, moved to pull the blanket up above his nose, noting as he did so that he couldn't find any reason why Kakashi chose to cover his lower face. It looked perfectly normal to Gai, if not a bit more handsome than most faces. He would never mention to Kakashi that he had seen it, though. He thought it counted as cheating to have seen his rival's face without his rival having a say in the experience.

When he felt the blanket being placed gently over his nose, Kakashi shook his head slightly and moaned incoherently. Gai stood as still as a deer who had just heard a twig crack deep in the forest, not wanting to stir Kakashi any more. The man needed his sleep, Gai knew. He didn't have the heart to steal it from him, despite Gai's desperate need to talk to his dear rival.

Instead, Gai settled on grabbing the hand of his rival (it had fallen out from under the covers during his nap) and massaging it between his own fingers. Gai couldn't help but begin to sob quietly while staring into the face of his greatest rival and secret love. It was his fault. He had destroyed this man. He needed to make things right, but he didn't know if that would ever be possible. Sure, Lee had forgiven Gaara. But if it had been the other way around and Gaara had been the one left near death, would he have ever found it in his heart to forgive cute little Lee?

It was the same with Gai and Kakashi. If Kakashi had accidentally magnified Gai's injuries so much that he was forced to spend months in bed, he would forgive Kakashi without a second thought. Such was Gai's love for his rival. But did Kakashi share Gai's feelings? Certainly the man didn't love Gai; Gai knew that, no matter how much it hurt to admit it to himself. However, what Gai didn't know was if Kakashi's feelings of friendship for the Green Beast were strong enough to keep him forever bonded to Gai, no matter how many times Gai selfishly hurt him.

Tears were flowing down Gai's face, and he sniffed heartily as he pictured a world in which his rival hated him. It was too much to bear. He had told Lee before his surgery that if Lee died, Gai would be going with him. It had been a promise Gai would've kept, but Lee had, luckily, lived. Kakashi though … Gai would kill himself at a moment's notice if he discovered Kakashi had passed away, but death wasn't a great enough punishment for Gai should Kakashi hate him. Hatred is so much more painful than death. Gai would have to make himself live and suffer the gazes full of loathing and the biting remarks cutting through his heart day in and day out. He would want to die, but he couldn't allow it to happen. He needed to be punished for causing Kakashi so much pain and suffering.

"I'm so sorry, Kakashi," Gai whispered, leaning close to his rival's face and pressing their foreheads together, Kakashi's soaked in sweat and Gai's hot with with the effort of his tears. "I was so selfish. I should've just continued to help you walk and go slower than my cute students. I cared too much about beating them back to Konoha. I'm so sorry, my rival, my love." Gai didn't even know what he was saying anymore. He rambled on and on, apologizing for anything and everything that he had ever done or said to Kakashi over the years. He let out all his secrets, believing Kakashi would wake up in a few hours and have no memory of Gai even being by his bedside. He was counting on it, in fact. If Kakashi happened to remember any of this upon awakening, Gai knew he was doomed. Kakashi didn't love him. Kakashi would _never_ love him. But Gai couldn't help but express his own love for the masked man as he looked at Kakashi's still closed eyes, set deep in his lined face. He looked pitiful. Pitiful, pathetic, and helpless. And it was all Gai's fault.

Gai finished his mess of rambling in just under thirty minutes, and rose to leave, pressing a chaste kiss to Kakashi's forehead. "I love you, my rival. Please don't hate me. I'm trying to change. I'll never get so intense with my training ever again that I'll hurt you. It wasn't fair of me, and the hatred I feel for myself likely burns more than your own. I'm so sorry." Gai opened the door and had one foot outside when he heard Kakashi stirring.

"Gai," he murmured. Gai looked back to see one dark brown eye, hazy from sleep, boring into him. Kakashi had woken, yet he hadn't bothered replacing his mask. Out of respect, Gai quickly closed his eyes, believing that Kakashi just hadn't noticed that the mask wasn't on.

"Kakashi. Your mask."

"I know. Come over here, please." Though he phrased it as a request, Kakashi's words were very obviously a command. Gai moped over, looking very much like a dog on the verge of getting scolded, with its tail between its legs. "Sit." Now, Gai felt even more like a dog as he flopped to the floor.

"No, not there, Gai. Sit on the bed," Kakashi smirked, speaking very slowly as if he was afraid Gai wouldn't understand him. Gai rose and sat on the very edge of the bed, as far from Kakashi as he could be. He wasn't sure how much of his confession Kakashi had heard, but it was obvious he'd heard at least part of it. Kakashi was looking at him as if he could see Gai's very soul. "Now, please repeat everything you just said to me. From the beginning, please."

"Well, it was sort of a long conversation …"

" … How long exactly?"

"I've been here for half an hour already."

"Ok. Paraphrase then. Unless you wish to repeat absolutely everything. I do have all the time in the world, after all."

Gai sighed as all the guilt came rushing back to his heart after that statement from Kakashi. Tears began dripping from his dark eyes anew, and he couldn't keep himself from throwing his arms around Kakashi's neck and burying his face in his rival's shoulder. Kakashi stiffened from shock for a few moments, but soon gave in and wrapped his arms around Gai's middle, awkwardly patting and rubbing his back.

"I'm so sorry, Kakashi. God damn it, why do I have to be so selfish!"

"You know, it's not very 'youthful' to use language like that. What would Lee think if he heard that?" Kakashi tried his hand at a feeble joke, but Gai just sobbed louder.

"Why couldn't this be like what happened to Lee? If you had been the one to hurt me like Gaara hurt Lee, everything would be okay. But you're not selfish like me. You'd do everything to help your teammates, even if it meant destroying yourself in the process. But me, I just do whatever I can to get some good training in, even if it means hurting someone else. Even if it means hurting _you."_

Gai's sobs gained power then, and the tightness with which he was holding Kakashi was beginning to cut off his rival's air supply.

"Who said everything wasn't okay?" Kakashi wheezed, trying in vain to loosen Gai's hold on him. This sentence caught Gai's attention immediately. The bawling ceased and Gai stilled so quickly it was as if he had transformed into a stone statue.

"What?" he asked, raising his face to look up at Kakashi in wonder.

"I'm not angry at you, if that's what you're crying about. Sure, it would've been nice if you had been a bit gentler carrying me, but that's a bit much to expect from Maito Gai, you have to admit." Though the words sounded mean, Gai knew they weren't meant that way when he heard the nearly hidden smirk in Kakashi's tone.

"Rival …" Gai trailed off. He didn't know how to respond to such a thing, especially when he didn't deserve that sort of acceptance.

"Shh …" Kakashi hissed, tightening his hold around Gai's middle again, as Gai slowly laid his head to rest on Kakashi's pale chest. Kakashi ran his fingers through Gai's hair. It felt like they stayed that way for an eternity, before Kakashi began shifting uncomfortably, causing Gai to look up in confusion.

"Sorry. It's not good for me to stay sitting straight up like this for too long," Kakashi explained wearily. Gai nodded and supported Kakashi's back as he laid back down, then stood up to leave.

"Hey hey hey! Just because I'm laying down now doesn't mean you have to go!" Kakashi complained. Still not feeling quite up to speaking, Gai just looked at him, confusion written across his face. "I've been alone ever since Naruto and Sakura left with their new team. It's nice to have someone to be with."

Gai nodded in understanding, and returned to lay down beside Kakashi, resting his cheek gently on the shorter man's chest once again. Kakashi went right back to his former task of running his fingers through Gai's smooth, shiny hair, letting out a sigh of contentment. After awhile, Gai began shivering. He hadn't realized how truly cold it was in Kakashi's home, and wondered how in the world the man was currently sweating as if he were in the heart of a volcano.

Kakashi did nothing but silently yank at the blanket under Gai until Gai rose, then he held the blanket up as a silent invitation. Gai took it, tears coming to his eyes yet again as he snuggled up to his secret love, allowing himself the pleasure of briefly brushing his lips against Kakashi's neck. Gai was surprised to feel a shudder travel up Kakashi's spine after this motion, but neither man mentioned it. They were taking big steps toward something more than friendship that day, but neither were completely ready to admit it.

As the two men drifted off into a doze, still cuddling up against each other, Gai thought it was safe to whisper a muffled, "I love you, Kakashi." Kakashi smiled slightly, and the eye that hadn't been taken over by Sharingan lit up with happiness. No one had ever said those words to him before.

He waited until he was sure Gai couldn't possibly still be awake before murmuring, "I love you too, Gai."


End file.
